Only 4 letters, and a specific echo in my head, I’m free. It may not look like it. I have the same chains around my ankles, the same heavy weights to carry. Chains built by societies, chains inherited from my past actions, and a weight still crushing my heart some nights. Still I’m free. I have caught the key. It has the form of a decision drawn in a cloud. The decision to really listen. Really listen to what I know is good for me.
Can you be in the moment, surrounded by people and incapable to connect? Can this still be in the moment? Is it incapable or just another way to connect with the moment? A bit like that fish on the wall, above the chimney – except that you’re alive and breathing in and out – you’re here, you see everything, you’re happy just watching, observing, connecting with the moment rather than with people. Being in the moment as recognising everything around and experiencing it in your own way,
Un jour d’automne sans collants et les jambes qui caillent… J’en fait quoi ? De la laine pour des bas ? Et binh non, à la rigueur une épreuve cérébrale, un chrono à qui marche le plus vite, un exercise de mode aux jambes les plus blanches possibles… Un moment de vie, un sourire, un rire, un hommage à être là à marcher tranquillo dans la rue, in the moment.
Night time. As I walk past this big tree I hear them, all the birds chatting away, telling each other the stories of their day. I sit and close my eyes. It’s better than Start Trek transporter. My own little transporter, closing my eyes, taking a breath, opening my ears. I am now in the jungle, or somewhere remote, I smell hot air on my face, the birds still telling me the stories of their day. And there it is, a beautiful moment in the moment taking me away.
… In the learning. Here you are trusting a situation, assessing progress, making it steps by steps, your mind and spirit into it. And pang, just like that, a slap in your face… A comment completely unexpected telling you your initial assumptions about how to trust the situation are not accurate. And the slap hurts. It threw you off balance. You’re hanging there looking to ground yourself again. And that new grounding can only happen with the learning. The positive learning of the situation. A beautiful statement starting with ‘I’, written in the affirmative and the present tense. Keep at it.
Il y a des passés qui s effritent, d’autres qui s’oublient, et d’autres qui rayonnent, qui se pointent un bout du nez importun à n’en faire qu à leur tête. Va savoir donc pourquoi… ce sont toujours ces passés là qui chantent comme des sirènes au fond d’une mer.
As I sat and read a small flyer on the various comedians coming up, I hear it that little voice… A voice of critics, of grumpy days, and negatives details… But I know. It’s not really that voice. It’s dead easy to confuse them, the disguise is so good. And behind this impossibility I create to appreciate the moment, hides anger, jealousy, fear and much more. All into that imitated voice. I fell into that trap again, head and feet first. What trap? The “compare” trap. The “still not there” trap. The “not good enough” trap. And I know better. I know “to compare” works when you compare looking for inspiration and not judgement. Ouch! The great thing when you fall into a trap head first? You always knock your head. Ouch again! Okay okay, I got it… Inspiration. I repeat, inspiration.
… but about the play. You have your cards in hand, it’s nearly the same hand as yesterday, the changes between the two are so small you may not even see it, and still you have the power to play it completely differently. And that, that can change everything.
It’s not that I am slow, sleeping or procrastinating, it’s just my brain. It seems lost in the meanders of its own, processing you know what in an unknown world behind my conscious veil. I glimpse one or two things happening behind the veil and that’s it. That’s it! And here I am with two choices left. One, accept the slowness, keep loving my brain and mind and make the best of my day, one step at a time. Two, run mad, beat myself up for my slowness, and become angrier and angrier at everything around. Hum? Tough choice would say some people. Tough choice? Are you kidding? One step at a time, always. There are no meanders which won’t come to an opening.
We all have bagages. Real ones, virtual ones. Some wrapped in color like good memories, other taking shades of grey depending on the days. And some times we leave them behind in storage for a while. I did that 7 years ago when I decided to rent a house I have in Ireland. Not sure what was going to happen next, I rented the house furnished and took out the minimum with me. And with some pieces of furniture and decoration left in Ireland were some of my multi-color bagages. What an interesting experience 3 weeks ago while stepping in the house to discover every pieces had been taken out by tenants along the years. Every pieces. The rainbow ones, the grey ones. And here I go, involuntarily stepping into minimalism… Or was it?